I’m not anywhere close to healthy
In fact, I’m probably going to die
But if I keep telling myself I’ll get better
That’s the best chance I have to survive
Because of the ones I love
I sift the seemingly endless delusions
That define the end of my life
In an attempt to grasp a moment of clarity
To stop the desperation growing in their eyes
They weren’t supposed to see me like this
Death is asking me to dance and I struggle to defy him
I’m trying to hold on to the present tense
But I feel myself slipping
Will they remember or will they go back to the start
All the things they’ve learned, it will be so hard
Will I be forgotten or will they be just fine
All the memories taken from a time when life was kind
I want to leave courage and hope
To be remembered for the good things
To be held so close
Close your eyes sunshine
I never wanted this for you
Close your eyes sunshine
Morning will come too soon and I fear
I won’t be here for you
A flash
A whisper grows on my lips
So soft they struggle to hear me
I’m okay, I’m okay I say
But it’s written on their faces
They know I am not
With a rush of pain, I give in
Selfish hate fills my body
I forget the names and faces
Of all of those that I once loved
But I rally with sobering thought
That they were not to see me like this
I just try to hold on to their smiles
And protect the life that I once had
I won’t let it end this way
I can’t resign to the pain and recede into the dark
I scream to fight it off
Wake up and stay here with them
But I hear a voice, coming from my sunshine she begs
She begs me to go
I never questioned that we would always have it
I just thought the sun would never set if I kept my eyes on it
But the truth is, I couldn’t see it inching away
Until it finally bumped into the horizon
I’ve always known that I’m changing, constantly moving forward
But the shifting is imperceptible
So when is the exact moment when anything is lost
Because it resides in my memory long after it happens
Meaning nothing it truly gone until I let go
Until I forget
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