Stifled We Grow

by With Iowa In Between

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all music written by with iowa in between
wiib is:
bradley service, allie pikala, sam stahlmann and cory elliott


released October 20, 2016

recorded, mixed and mastered by knol tate in minneapolis, mn

album artwork by Athena Jones



all rights reserved


With Iowa In Between Minneapolis, Minnesota

jammy, sad, punk.

let us play in your basement

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Track Name: You Were There, But You Had To Be There
We could turn this out
The house won’t burn down
But your thoughts are not your own
They’re just others’ that you found
I don’t wanna go back
And I don’t wanna bear the weight
‘Cause I’ve found you out
You’ve confirmed my doubts

I need to drown you out of my head.
Some things are better left unsaid.

You always spoke so loud about the way you felt
But I bit my tongue, kept it to myself
So tell me again what you saw in me
‘Cause I became worse with you around
Became worse with you around

Is there anything I can keep of us that will last?
Forgive, forget, do we forego the past?

Struggling with the here and now
I find comfort in the past
In that out of tune piano
Falling asleep on your couch
Even the layout of your house

Was it ever this simple?
Am I making this up?
The years since then have become minutes

And if only I’d turn around
I’m sure you’d be standing there
I’ve held that memory close
But I’ve kept it dusty to hide the truth

‘Cause I’ve learned with you that things fade to grey
That’s another way of saying it died and decayed

Every fight, blood spilled is nothing gained
But we grow
Stifled we grow
And I know we won’t take back anything
Still we grow
Stifled we grow
Track Name: Aidan
You sleep in my arms, reaching your fists to the ceiling
I wonder what you’re dreaming of
Your tiny hands grasp around my finger

Don’t be scared to cry.
Don’t be scared to love.
It’s what we’re all made of.

If the world stays the same
And you’re told to be ashamed
I want you to say no even if you’re afraid
We act like the worst thing you can be is a girl
I hope I can teach you to break the rules

Is this the only time you’ll let me hold your hand?
Are there only precious moments left before you start becoming a man?
Am I wrong to think that I can change that?
Will I ever understand?
Track Name: Shoebox
Moving on
You can still pretend I’m staying
But I’m gone
The apathy brought atrophy
So I’m done
In a shoebox I set fire to old hearts
Moving on
I can’t find a home
Don’t feel like I belong

Will the next step be the one I need?
Will my hands stop shaking?
Will my brain stop craving?

You were always kinda there
Not around, but enough to keep me safe
I never thought to question
What would happen should I wait
Long enough for this to circle to the start
Long enough for this all to fall apart

Will the next step be the one I need?
Will my lungs remember to breathe?
Will my feet concede?

What will I find?
I always have to be on the move
You've been taking up too much space
For me to have my dreams and worries
What will I find?
Happiness comes only in moments
Short decadence, not permanent
You didn’t see me until I was gone

You didn’t see me until I was gone.

What will I find?
I think I’ll always be on the move
You’ve been taking up too much space
For me to make my own damn mistakes
What will I find?
Happiness is only a temporary
Consequence of circumstance
You’ll have to find it somewhere else, I’m…
Track Name: Guilt
The weight stacks on
I’d like to say I’ve learned something but I can’t
Wearing false ambition like an anchor on my back
And I don’t wanna admit this
But I still don’t get this
Fear in me lingers
It scratches with fingers to bone
I should’ve left it alone

And you say this won’t change anything.

I guess I didn’t realize
I wanted you to say
Just that you were proud of me
(because you know me better than I know myself)
They provided the anchor
(now I won’t come home)
But it was me that bought the rope
(until I know that I’ve done well)
Tied myself to the side of someone else’s hopes

And now I’m treading as I choke.

But I was wrong
There’s always calm before a storm
I’ve tried staying calm for seven years
And I’m still so lost
Now I’m stuck here
Waiting for some kind of change
Nothing to my name
It’ll all just stay the same
Until I believe in anything
Track Name: Lie In Wait
Maybe you’ve been lying in wait for me to find you
Could’ve been years that you gestated
Feeding off the scraps that make up your nest
Or an overnight phenomena
Where you burst into being
Either way you’re here now
A guest in my childhood home
Taking my father without permission

If I had space underneath my bed
Would you live there?
If I had space inside of my lungs
Would you grow there?
Would you find your way in?
If I had said you’d never take me alive
Would you win?

This house is filled with ghosts
Not just this room anymore
They go where they please
Just taking what they need
I’m not afraid of them
It’s the sickness that takes everyone
And my father
I won’t let it run me out
No, not this time.

I put you out on the curb with the trash
Watch you disintegrate
In the rain your reign will end
You’ll wash away
In the night when the silence of his sleep is pierced by your presence
The only way you will fade is by taking everything with you

I am still a young boy
I am still afraid
Have been for years now
But I am here to stay

(I am still a young boy, I am still afraid
Have been for years, but I am here to stay)

I’ll always grab that glass of water in the dead of night
Not knowing who or what may lie in wait
You’re not going anywhere so neither am I
These memories will force you into the morning light
Track Name: This Is Still Weird
My thoughts and I never seem to rest
(You can hear the madness in my chest)
My mother taught me how to guilt
My father taught me how to hold it in
(So now I’m letting it out)
I guess it is what it is

I’m looking back on what I’ve become.

Yeah, it all goes back to how I was raised
They also taught me how to be a friend
And to not be ashamed
One day you wake up
And you realize you’re not a child
But you’re not ready to be on your own

I’m scared of being alone.

(The night I drove myself home)
I’ve been thinking a lot
About what it means to be alone
I’ve been thinking a lot
About what it means to be alive
I don’t want my life to add up to nothing
I just want to be something
I just want to mean something

I don’t wanna be alone anymore.

When did we have to change?
Where was the time to decide these things?
Was it always just eventually?
My lungs kept growing with no room to breathe