1. |
Phoenix
04:42
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Like a storm in the distance, I loom
Over dark dreams and dead futures
Like torn sutures
Nothing’s the same anymore
She is gone and they have left
And I’m stuck standing in the ashes
So many times I’ve been betrayed
So many loved ones I wish had stayed
What did they stray?
Left stranded again I’m back to the start
All the plans have been abandoned for fear of entertaining the future
Of entertaining our hearts
Another beginning seems so exhausting
So I’ll hide in my frustration for a while
And pretend I have no inspiration
And pretend I have no desire
But above all, I’m ashamed that I fell to ash
I’m embarrassed that I held so long to single sided promises
And liquored dispositions
I was trapped under the weight of decisions made
Though I was told, I made them all along
I could never quite convince myself that it was me
Who was wrong
Though I am lost, I’m not losing
I have no choice, but now I’m choosing
I watched you run from your ambitions, afraid
And now you play hide-and-seek with what you could have been
I know you won’t rise again
Because of this I fight so hard to stay afloat
The day you fell, you brought me down with you
And together at the bottom, you wait to be brought back up
While I was busy building wings to rise above
Though I am lost, I’m not losing
I have no choice, but now I’m choosing
With sunlit rays on this hazy days
I see my past, I can’t go back
I will create, in an attempt to feel whole
Like a phoenix, I am reborn
Though I am lost, I’m not losing
I have no choice, but now I’m choosing
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2. |
Resonate
05:22
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I’ve been searching for answers in every corner of this cluttered mind
I’ve retraced my steps again and again to find out where I strayed
I’m just trying to live a normal life
But today, like many others, I am without understanding
There is no explanation only hesitation
And to write on paper is the only way out
Another story, another page, another day I have to wait
To figure out why I make all of these mistakes
I can’t decide no, I can’t decide
I can’t decide if this all takes time
I guess I’ll never know
I keep questioning my narrative
And I’m starting to believe I’m just skeptical of my character
And I search to no avail
I pour all my time into finding the reasons why
I fight so hard to be right
Because I am a mirror of my own mistakes
And approval of anything I try is hard to come by
Because trying to manifest a reason why I’m like this
So broken, is impossible
And trying to match myself with such unsuitable words
With lungs of limited elegance is an exhausting process
That I fear I will never see the end of
This could all be meaningless
Can you tell me the truth
Can you give me one universal rule to follow
One small sentiment to tell me who I am supposed to be
Because maybe the world is at fault
Or maybe it’s just me
Can you show me how to calm the seas
How to bring me peace
It rained on the way back home
(what could sore this body’s sore bones)
The windshield was streaked and I couldn’t see the road
(with fear as constant as a metronome)
I thought oh god, I’m terrified of my own mind
(on the verge of insanity, there’s no merging in front of me)
Of getting stuck and wasting my time
(I’m on the edge)
And so terrified to fail, the rain turns to hail
I’ll ride this out
(and I’ll just ride this out)
The ice resonates on my roof in time
(but I smile despite the ugly skies)
And with the pounding in my ears
I leave this storm behind
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3. |
Rust
06:42
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Know this, that I have no answers
I sit alone plagued with uncertainty
Disappointed with reality
I’m apprehensive of my surroundings
And unsure of my ability to filter feelings
Between presence and previously
I am unsure of my capabilities
With each step higher, I feel my head getting lighter and tighter
With any thought of what I could be vanishing
It’s growing colder towards the top
And the place where my heart should be is caving in
My lungs are caving in
They told me I could be free
That the higher I climbed the more I could see
But I am only empty, harsher than I was
Less human than I ever should be
This has all just been a cheap form of lust
The hands of my friend succumb to dirt and rust
In a place where things outweigh thought
I must admit, I have been forgotten
I had dreams and ambition
Or at least the ambition to dream
Of a life measured by more than the collection of things
And the status of those who control it
I was never taught to think about my choices
Only to act and to do what was asked of me
Was I ever meant to be more than this
Or was I always meant to follow suit
So I sit here unable to feel cradling safety in my hands
Like it’s pure or innocent
And indulging myself until I’m something like satisfied
So I do to get done, a successful life void of examination
Floating dissonant and unable to collect my thoughts
I speak so loud to only myself
Worthless words from a fearful mouth
If I climb these concrete walls
I could see the sunset after all
But you’ll feel it all
And once you go
You can’t come back
All of here, have we all been dreaming
Without a cause, what became of the meaning
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4. |
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But it eventually faded
And I just stood there
I knew it was cold but I didn't shiver
Because change is a harassment that I cannot stand to pursue
And I wonder if my bones are cold on the inside
Because as much as your body warms mine
Getting back to the chill never seemed so unnatural
If I am to make everything out of nothing
I have to move on and believe in something
I wish you never crossed my mind
Sometimes I wonder if I can maintain this link so badly severed
Guts in knots release momentum or stay turning round forever
I’m moving on through the pervading cold
When I warm I’ll learn to let it go
I’m moving on through the pervading cold
When I warm I’ll learn to let it go
I watched the lights pass
I watched the snow fall, upside down
You never crossed my mind
You never crossed it at all, I turned around
Those words never really got to you
I guess I didn’t want them to
Because as much as you say it’s in your nature to carry through
You didn’t really try to
So despite my fear
The harsh winter air brought me here
Because being cold is not being alone
There’s no more doubt within these bones
The lights pass, the snow falls
And you never crossed my mind at all, at all
I’m moving on through the pervading cold
When I become more warm I’ll learn to let it go
I will make my way back home
There’s no more doubt within these bones
There’s no more doubt within these bones
Though I am further away from where I was before
I no longer fear the skies of the north
And you never crossed my mind at all
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5. |
Tidal Wave
06:10
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I’m not anywhere close to healthy
In fact, I’m probably going to die
But if I keep telling myself I’ll get better
That’s the best chance I have to survive
Because of the ones I love
I sift the seemingly endless delusions
That define the end of my life
In an attempt to grasp a moment of clarity
To stop the desperation growing in their eyes
They weren’t supposed to see me like this
Death is asking me to dance and I struggle to defy him
I’m trying to hold on to the present tense
But I feel myself slipping
Will they remember or will they go back to the start
All the things they’ve learned, it will be so hard
Will I be forgotten or will they be just fine
All the memories taken from a time when life was kind
I want to leave courage and hope
To be remembered for the good things
To be held so close
Close your eyes sunshine
I never wanted this for you
Close your eyes sunshine
Morning will come too soon and I fear
I won’t be here for you
A flash
A whisper grows on my lips
So soft they struggle to hear me
I’m okay, I’m okay I say
But it’s written on their faces
They know I am not
With a rush of pain, I give in
Selfish hate fills my body
I forget the names and faces
Of all of those that I once loved
But I rally with sobering thought
That they were not to see me like this
I just try to hold on to their smiles
And protect the life that I once had
I won’t let it end this way
I can’t resign to the pain and recede into the dark
I scream to fight it off
Wake up and stay here with them
But I hear a voice, coming from my sunshine she begs
She begs me to go
I never questioned that we would always have it
I just thought the sun would never set if I kept my eyes on it
But the truth is, I couldn’t see it inching away
Until it finally bumped into the horizon
I’ve always known that I’m changing, constantly moving forward
But the shifting is imperceptible
So when is the exact moment when anything is lost
Because it resides in my memory long after it happens
Meaning nothing it truly gone until I let go
Until I forget
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6. |
I'll Never Know
04:33
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In your shadow I find the outline of my ghosts
Gracing my ears with songs from raspy throats
Bringing thoughts from a time when I was too young to regret
Bringing thoughts from a time when I was too young to repent
But now I understand everything I couldn’t then
All the mistakes all the fights
All the time that I acted in defiance it was met with a stern hand
Only trying to prepare me for a world unforgiving
I’ll never know another love so bright
I’ll never know another heart so kind
I’ll never know another person so loyal
But I know because of you I’ll know how to pass it on
I hope
In somber endings
We hope for new beginnings
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